This is how I thought I was soft:

In September, I sustained an impartial quad tear. So I couldn't run for quite a bit. I'd cycle like mad, use the elliptical, and try to run, thinking the endorphins would be at such point, that I could run. That didn't happen. At one point, I found I could run barefoot for some strange reason, so I ran laps around the footballl field in my barefeet, in the middle of the day. I'd be driving down the highway, when the crisp fall air would be arriving, I'd put down all the windows in my car, emulating some form of distant godawful weather, so when I would return, at least I was acclimated to the harsh, colder climates.
Then, once the tear mended, I began running, lightly. And then came my first 20 miler for Disney training. Oops, dislodged that f-ing S-1 joint again. Chiropractor, physical therapy, all that jazz.
So then, as I began to rehabilitate that, it became evident quite clear, that my left adductor was bearing alot of the compensatory weight...yay.
Throughout all of these, I considered myself inept, and considered myself to be soft, even though I was still training, just not running.

Now, with the hay in the barn, there ultimately isn't anything worth adding to my training except to rest, which brings makes me digress

Rest, to the endurance athlete is synonmous with soft, or the qualities therein. It is understood as predominance of timidity over courage; an appetite for ease over the tove of adventure. It is an obstacle not easily surmounted.

As I taper, I miss the excitement and danger, that comes with even the most peacefull of progress.
Tapering can also be a place of sheer fear, and unholy terror. Every twitch, movement, and irrational firing by some distanct synapse. can trigger a multitude of emotions, associated with ineptitude, physical maladity, and triple guessing even the most certain of outcomes.

There is one thing that is certain. It has been said, that for running to become part of one's life, it requires a degree of submission. The quality of a runner is not the same as the coffee shop one frequents, the purified mineral water you drink, or your taste in foreign film. It is quite literally part of who you are. For better or worse, being a runner is a part of your definition of yourself.

I want a tranquilizer. Some industrial strength sleep inducer, that puts me to sleep for about 4-5 days, something like a medically induced coma.
This tapering is torture. And not in the normal sense, but from that soft, pigeon feeling, of your first marathon, where every 4 mile taper run feels like 30 miles. Everything gets tight, everywhere.
I think either today, or Sunday, will be my last run before Disney. This tightness isn't exactly going away, but I can deal with it. I have before. So maybe just aqua running from here on out. I don't have a finite answer at this point, and am kind of cool with that.
I will keep you all updated as we approach the big day.

I want to express, what Christmas means to not just myself, and my immediate family, but to my collective experience.
It is the warmth of my bed on Christmas eve, with the muffled sound of my parents downstairs, knowing they are safe.
It is the safety of my future, the relief of another year past, and a desire to see the futre.
It is knowing that whatever may happen in the next 364 days, for this one night, I know that my family is together, content, and mutually content. That is how I see them, on this Christmas morning.
Merry Christmas all.

Under the advisement of many friends and colleagues, I decided to go light this morning.
5 miles easy pace. Left lateral hip was tight, but groin was quite loose, little to no pain. A few "ughs" here and there, but nothing serious.
After laying on the kitchen floor for a few minutes, I found the muscle which was tight, causing the rotation to be equally tight. I'm nearly certain it is the gluteus medius. I lay on my right side, legs stretched out. And move the left leg foward and backwards, while keeping the knee straight. This proves to be alleviating.
I recently found on my training log, all sorts of nifty tools to analyze my training more finitely.
Both average heart rate, aggregated with pace (running only), and total hours spent in each sport are attached.

Despite the rain, snow, and innate qualities of snail mail, the new shoes arrived.
To the left there's a picture, comparing the old with the new. Historically, I'm very meticulous about tracking mileage on my shoes. With these however, everything just fell apart. My log (trifuel.com) doesn't have equipment labels for shoes.

When I was injured back in October, I started using Mizuno Wave Alchemy's. At the same time, I took out my orthotics to let me impartial quad tear heal, (the orthotics raise the heel, thus placing greater stress on the vastus lateralis)
So now that the new shoes are here, I think I'm going to try and run tomorrow.

I also have my bio-skin compression sleeve, which I might use.The schedule says 12 miles. I haven't run since a 7 miler on Tuesday, and before that it was a 21 miler on Sunday.If anyone has any ideas on what to run tomorrow for distance, I'm all ears.I've been aqua-running intensely since Tuesday. The pain I get is in the medial left thigh, so I"m guessing either vastus medialis, or something in that vicinity.

Stats For The Day:

Aqua Running, Aerobic Intensity: 93 minutes.
Sleep: 9 hours

This is nothing new.
My first taper, I was on an elliptical trainer, with a brace on my knee. Boston was un with a brace, which quite literally became a part of my being until 2 months thereafter.
But this taper, as of today, is different.

I have aches and pains, nagging issues, and a little more than two weeks until the big show.
Moreover, I'm now out of my element. Classes are complete, and I'm home. I suddenly feel like I've become a member of AARP, as the only interaction I have during the day, are people 3 times my age.

There is something, inherent in my training, deep within the training logs, in the sub-text of my average weekly heart rate, that I'm not seeing.
It transcends rest, recovery, nutrition, and regenerative growth hormone. It is the root of the vast array of my ills.
I submit that it has to do with shoes. And that blasted snowstorm out in the mid-west, certifies the delay in my order of purshasing a new solution.
http://wwwapps.ups.com/etr
acking/tracking.cgi?trackn
um=1Z9774640309952503
If it isn't the shoes, then it must be the orthotics, the left is utterly destroyed, while the right is in tact.
Ironically, my left piriformis, SI joint, and anterior medial saritorius are the hot spots.

I cannot mold and wear new orthotics now, as I am already tapering. To change my biomechanics would be simply ludacrious.
In short, this taper is something I have no solution to. This storm must be ridden out.

Deciding

I've got a marathon in a little less than 3 weeks, and I've got a few nagging aches and pains I want to have gone by one week out. I run every other day, cross train on non-running days, and take one day off before my long run I intend to keep this until about the last 10 days, wherein I will begin taking more rest days.
I need to eradicate a stiff lower back, and a strong pain in my inner left groin area.
Stretching 3 x per day under physical therapist advisement.
To expedite healing, should I take complete rest days, like 3 or 4 in a row, to get rid of these pains, or can I cross train? I'm not sure which would heal me faster.

STATS:
Sleep: 7.2 hours
Run: 7 miles @ 7:46 pace
HeartRate:156
Cool and crisp, but blasted groin and back were tight.
Recovery Window: +34mins

Okay-
This post IS scheduled to follow a post on Dec. 16, which I do not yet see present.
My long run today went great, albeit I forgot what a wall felt like, and I had some pretty sore spots.
By in large, it went well. If for nothing else, it elevated my confidence for disney.
For this, I am grateful.
Thank you Lord.

Don't Stop Here
I lost my pace...
I'm close behind.

Alright, I don't want to belabor this point. But I've had the arguably- Wait no, THE rockiest season of training in my endurance career. I've had a impartial quad tear, and a strained ligament at the bottom of by already dysfunctional SI joint. Cross Country wove right into Disney training. I've been bplanning this for a long time, and I'm running Disney.
Tomorrow, is my last 20 miler, one of two I will have accumulated in the last two months, and one 21 miler way back in August (I know, this doesn't count, but whatever)
I want to be able to run free, every day, hammer it like the good old days. If I weren't running Disney, I know I would be hammering it right now.
I guess if there was one question, I can ask now, in retrospect, of the culmination of my injuries is the following:
Why can I train like a mad man, chronically overtrain, for almost 2 consecutive years without an injury, and then be riddled with injuries in such a short span of 4 months.
So after tomorrow, the taper begins. Now that this blog is back up to standards of blogger, I'll let you know what goes on after tomorrow's long run.

There are moments, wherein all I want to do is keep moving. And there are moments, where at times I want to stay still, and relish in my previous movements.
And then there are those times, when I need to be moved.
Today, I was accompanied by two of my closest friends, doing something I infinitely enjoy.
So, therefore, whatever it may be worth nor, tomorrow, or later on, I wish to thank you, for without which life would not be true.
It has been said, and I feel it to be apt, that there are three which are real: God, Human Folly, and Laughter. The first two are beyond our comprehension, So we must do what we can with the third.
You make this possible.

So the physician told me that I had in fact sustained a quad tear back in September after Shacklette, to the bottom lateral anterior vastus lateralis.
Tonight I went to my first Active Release Therapy appointment.
It was the same gentlemen who worked on me last Tri season in Newburyport, immediately after the Tri. Great guy, relaxed, very professional, and efficient.
He confirmed after playing with my quad for a while, that I had sustained a “good sized tear earlier in the season”. So much for the CMC ER prognosis.
After several stretches and isolated penetrations, he adjusted my spine, which yet again has fallen to the netherworld of subfluxuation - Which he noted was a common side effect for quad tears.
It feels quite good now, but behind my right hip flexor, something feels really sore. But a good sore, because I was just flying around in my room doing domestic stuff, and never felt restricted, as I had in previous days. Note: I haven’t taken ibproufen since 1pm this afternoon, (200mg).
He said I was clear to run, but at no more than 70% of my maximum heart rate, which largely means anything below 145. I digress: To think my rehab runs maxed at 174, and averaged at 164. I will report in the coming days how the running goes.
I strongly recomend anyone in the greater Boston area to consider Active Life Chiropractic, www.activelife

It would be most prudent, in the consideration of others, to not post this today. Because I know people read it, comment on it, and ultimately judge it.
Please don’t misunderstand me; I let not others opinions effect my being or my efforts, many know this.
Nevertheless, I went for a run today in a park.
It was scheduled to be 15 minutes out, and 15 minutes back.
It was over 13 miles.
I got terribly lost in a monsoon, and ran home on a highway. I ran on pavement, water, mud, everything.
My recovering leg held up, through God’s blessing and wisdom. Through this, I am endowed forever.
I have noted, that ice-baths are miraculous things. I took one last night, and plan on taking another this evening. And I am so happy that I got my run in today.
Sometimes, it scares me how attached I become to this.
I want Disney.

I’m so happy. I got in a good pool workout before the sun came up this morning. I hadn’t swum in many days, so I went slow and comfy, about 1,200m.
I followed this up with 30 minutes of pool running with some plyos mixed in. Might try this again tomorrow morning back home.
One day at a time…

Day One of Complete Rest

Went very well, watched what I ate, studied and worked hard in class, read up on human anatomy, and stayed in touch with fellow Triatheltes.
I have apprehended my malfunction.

I want to be honest: I still feel my leg now and then. And I also want to be open: I want to heal entirely. I don’t want the splinter of the mind to continue.
I will tell you, that one of the boldest challenges of my endurance career is bubbling to the surface. Two-Four consecutive days of rest. Let me articulate: Sleeping, eating, and being lazy. I must come to the fact, that to let this heal, I must refrain from taxing it. I may gain a pound or two, my maximal oxygen uptake may drop a few points, my blood PH may return to a base, and lose its acidity. I need to expect these things, as I expect a triathlon start to frighten me to the point of shaking involuntarily; As I expect a marathon to hurt after mile 20; As I expect to develop liters of lactic acid in my legs after a hard hill climb.
All these are physiological complications. But I also know, that the mind governs the body. And when the mind isn’t content, the body is clinically depressed. So be forewarned, I may in fact post in the next few days with a venomous tone. Forgive me.
The only test I may encounter, would be a leg extension strength test, to validate the claim of a personal trainer, that it is indeed a strain, not a tear, and perhaps a therpeuitc aqua session early Friday morning.
So here goes nothing: Wednesday, October 25, 2006 @ 7:03pm.

-INEXPLICABLE-


For a long time, there has been a mantra I have run by - When the conditions are seemingly unsurpassable, imperfect, or entirely intimidating.
Winston Churchill said at the conclusion of the evacuation of British troops from the Island of Dunkirk, that his countrymen “must be careful not to award this action the attributes of a victory.” He went on to demonstrably claim “Wars are not won by evacuations.”
I’ve repeated this to myself many, many times. It may seem impertinent or illogical in running, but for me it has always enabled me to muster a current of confidence, that has been able to sweep down the mightiest walls of adversity and challenge.
I really can’t remember all of what happened today; I raced in the New England Conference Championships (NE10s), the culmination of a seasons’ work, all reduced to a single autumn morning. What I can tell you is that as of 8:00am this morning, I was not intent on running it. Then something happened.
I had run a warm up on pavement in the pre-dawn hours, and got lost in a foreign city, running longer than I planned to, on a surface I ought not to have been on.
I stayed up too late the preceding night, mainly running discussions with team members.
Then I got to the field, and ran a warm up with a good friend who was in a degree of pain which dwarfed mine.
I then returned and put on the bib number I had previously discarded in the trash bin, thinking I wouldn’t use it- Straightened it out, hastily pinned it on, and walked to the starting box.
The rest really isn’t that clear. I know I was in arguably the greatest cardio-respiratory pain I have ever been in. I ran the course fully, and lived it intensely.
Perhaps most unclear about this experience, was the end. The finish line seemed so far – As far as Boylston Street on Marathon Monday. When I crossed it, I had nothing in me. I felt lifeless, yet I managed to stay upright. Then a friend came and embraced me with water, and several other fellows did the same. Then I just broke down, couldn’t think, couldn’t speak, just needed to walk, and flush myself out physically and emotionally.
I can unequivocally say, that Cross Country is the most taxing of all sports. It requires only the apex of virtues: courage. Courage, (as Churchill stated) is the only virtue that assures all the others. Courage can surmount pain. It can send fourth the ripple of hope into the most ignominious and dark of endeavors, which builds that current that DOES build a current of confidence, that has been able to sweep down the mightiest walls of challenge and odds.
If I learned one thing from today, it was that I continue TO LEARN. Because if you asked me why I went against every preconception, every ounce of conventional wisdom, and every iota of logic in my being, I still could not tell you.
This is the truth of believing in cross country.

Running and its after-effects have largely been absent from my life for several weeks. In he Absence Thereof, my heart has grown fonder.
For the first in many weeks, I arose this morning to go for a run.
I wasn’t that stiff, there was no pain, and I ran the trails for seven miles. I am using this knew muscular support sleeve, called “Bio-Skin” www.bioskin.com I endorse it firmly.
But that’s not what this is about. Its about getting back to what I know is a part of me. The feeling after a crisp morning run, knowing that your legs are still recovering as you walk about your daily duties- That no matter how hectic, improbable, or utterly horrifying the next 23 hours will be, one hour will be earned.
In the one- hour club, membership dues are collected daily, and its time to pay up.

How To Save A Life

Today, a long run in my happy place.
Eleven miles, at a pleasant 7:02 pace.
The leaves fell, the sun peaked through the trees, and the lake shimmered as if it were cinematic.
I love this so; Everytime I return, I am reminded of much I missed it.
It is the only element of my life, which guarantees the pleasures of the others.
I just wanted to make it last - forever. If you’re one of us, you understand;
You believe in cross-country.

I have returned-
I feel so reserved, yet so anxious. I love to run more than anything, and today, in the midst of a fall day, it was a phenomela feeling. Armed with ambition and courage, I ran for 6.2 miles, and worked on my "leg snaps" <---(little things I call to aide in turnover).
I have learned one, invaluable lesson. Joe Friel, Jeff Galloway, and Chris Carmichael are all geniuses: Rest is what makes us better. It makes it more fun, more enjoyable, and more fit.
From today fourth, I intend to run every 48 hours to expedite the healing and rehab.
Don't stop moving.

The elements are a comical product of nature. On certain days, they seemingly propel the body with the utmost of assistance, cordially answering one’s every demand.On other days, they are the cruel and empowering tyrant, oppressive in both intensity and duration.
Today was an instance of the later, the tyrant.
I had to do another long ride, to match my endurance training for XC, and also for my next long term goal, the Disney.
I checked the weather last night, and it appeared that today it would be raining throughout. As a pleasant surprise, I awoke to find nothing but cloudy skies, and an unseasonably high humidity level.
So I got my stuff ready, and started out. Literally 90 seconds later I felt my first raindrop…of many.
This was a ride that tries a man’s soul. It is the kind where you almost don’t want to look at your hands, because you are acutely aware that purple is not the normal palette of human tissue
Fortunately, the majority of the course was well paved, with some exceptions. The legs would turn to twisted knots upon climbing even the most modest of incline.
I still am not fully hydrated, and am beginning to regain feeling in my feet once again. The garments will not be dried for a while, nor will the innermost parts of the bike.
Ideally, one week from today, I can say I ran for endurance.

So that's it. I did it.
It wasn't really even that bad. Hydration every four minutes, which proved ideal. Took in about 1.5 servings of Vitamin C3, which naturally went directly to the legs. Statistics will become available as I perform the analysis.
Impossible is nothing.

So today, was my first run in 7 days. Two miles, and I know precisely the ailment.
I pulled my vastus lateralis, the outer-most muscle on the quadricep. I have had ultra-sounds daily, seen three sports therapists (two of them trainers), had an x-ray, seen an ER physician, and sat through an hour of deep tissue massage.
The range of motion has fully returned, and nearly 100% flexibility. I am not taking any more presecription painkillers/muscle relaxants, as I become too dopey. By in large the run, was not at full intensity, nor at full capability, but nevertheless, I ran.
On the ride home from the meet, a member of the team said that I looked "happier". I smiled and replied "I ran today" Witness re-confirmation.
Tomorrow, I attempt the longest bike ride I have ever endeavored. The equivalent of an 18-miler. 185 Minutes of cycling in Zones 1 and 2. I am quite complacent now, and have several strategies in mind.
I will return. So help me.

I took nine days off from running, in hopes of racing on Saturday. (9.16.06)
I raced on Saturday, had 40 minutes in hell, of pain and agony, and finished dead last on the 8k collegiate cross country course. It was a home meet, but I finished.
So I went to the trainer, the ER, and had an x-ray.
There is no skeletal damage, and no muscles are torn, but I have strained my vastus lateralis, the outer-most muscle on the quadricep.
I'm doing alot better now, as the rehab exercises along with cycling and aqua-running have maintained my fitness, though I dearly miss running.
They have prescribed Vicodin and Soma, a painkiller and muscle relaxant.
Today I am seeing a sports injury specialist, in hopes of some therapeutic work and some more detailed prognoses.
I openly admit my imprudence, and am not racing this upcoming Saturday.
Are there any isolated exercises that you may know, which help relieve pain in the quadricep? Dietary supplements?

Today the bike was received.
I mounted it, with only the most modest of expectations.
I came, I rode, I climbed, I was aero, and all without the slightest of discomfort.
I am progressing in my healing.
"Rapid motion through space elates one"

I apologize for not posting more often. I am depressed.
Last Sunday, I strained my hip flexor. So I have been on the elliptical alot, as my bike is in my car, which is having an engine transplant. Don't get me going on that story.
So I tried running a few times since then, and the hip still aches. Moreover, from limping so long, my tendon behind my left knee has compensated for the pain.
This was tolerable. Today was the XC team's first meet. I watched and recorded splits.

Hell hath no fury like an injured runner at a cross-country meet.

So, today my coach said a complete rest day. Witness Anthony's boiling point.
I feel so crappy. Like a sloth. But our home meet, is a week from today, and that is my prize for this misery.
In the interim, here are some pictures from pre-season. Which make me happy :-)

Every so often, my training begins to go into a nose-dive, or tailspin, and the goals are set aside, the workouts minimized or elongated, and no principle or schedule is adhered to. These are the best runs.
I ran a time trial this morning at 6AM, went into Boston for scholarship ceremony (see coming pics), and then drove back to school in the Granite State, to run. Turns out we were running IN Boston, so back down I went.
We started running around 7:30pm, and with a little Gatorade, I felt as if I could have run until 7:30am.
Over those 10 or so hours, I realize how much running does for me. It clears my mind of worry, anxiety, and stress.
For when I run I am one with my mind and body and spirit.
"Complete and utter freedom, one more mile ahead"

"Lead us not into temptation- But deliver us from evil"

I just concluded my first week of XC pre-season. Something has begun anew.
Loyal readers will recall, that the summer of the last 4 months, was tedious, and at times bitter at home.
Seven days in an old barn in the mountains of New Hampshire, I have found a family.
These are not merely teammates. We eat, sleep, cook, shower, and most critically, run together.
This is a journey which is not won by swiftness, but rather by efficiency and manner.
I learn more everyday from these people, and they never disappoint me.
They are my friends, they are my family.

"....So, that's it."

XC camp had its final day today.
It went great. Had a nice run in the AM, which was preceeded by a good ride at home in Mass.
Then played a series of games, said my good-byes to the XC kiddos, and then I took all I had learned, and cleansed myself on the trails.
5.2 miles of tempo running, at points unable to breathe. Witness the quintessence of maximal oxygen uptake.


I still feel quite dizzy from it. But I think I'm getting better at recovering from these 30 minute visits to hell.
And another quick point: Since doing all this crazy mileage, it has occured to me, that I am consuming so many calories just to sustain my running, that at times I get sick of eating. Never thought I'd be at this point.
The journey continues...Endure.

XC is the key to happiness.
It is hard, and it is bitter, and it hurts at times. But the benefits far outweigh the burdens.
I am so geniunely happy, at the end of these taxing days, for they take everything of you to attain this level of contentment.
I can't wait to show everyone pictures!
In the meantime, these are some recent trail/cliff run pictures.

Today was day two of XC camp. I am a camp counselor for a bunch of young runners, and it is absolutely the best time I ever had. It is an incredibly fun time, despite the high mileage I am attaining.
Today was a great day of running. Four runs and a lot of time to think.
I have noted, that while ignoring my principles of nutrition, rest, and intensity, I have prevailed, and I have obtained happiness.
Maybe I need to do more of this. More trails, distance, and meditation.
Simply stated, holistic, happy running makes one happy.
I Believe.

The Paradox of Certainy

It may not be in endurance sport - It may be in school, in time, in work, or in life.
For the fortunate, these shortcomings are not depressin
They mark an end, as well as a beginning
Within races I've been in this small, finite place of confidence. The burn through the finish like chute, to be beaten by a nano-second by the man or woman whom I thought was comfortably behind me.
The time trial where 20 seconds from the finish, you determine you are really 22 seconds from the finish.

Big Lake Half Marathon I missed my time. Bridges for Friendship 10k in 2004, I missed it.
But missing these goals isn't practically missing, its gaining.

When we miss a goal, we tend to be angry at first, and then slowly begin to reason why, and make the necessary ameliorations. It is our very nature. The human condition is defined by such protocol.
This is me at the Big Lake Half in 2004. This is what primal exertion looks like under the worst of conditions.



This is Melanie McQuaid, Xterra World Chamption Triathlete, after giving everything in her mind, body and soul, and coming up "35 seconds short"





Our lives are woven from these seconds. Our ideas are scorched within our own aspirations. And our preconceptions are often proved wrong, when we are "certain" they are right.

Day 2 of intense training.
It goes as follows:
7 Mile Run AM
3 Mile Walk AM (missed my train)
30 Mile Ride early PM
500m Swim PM
1,000m Swim Ocean PM

This is odd. My legs feel really tired when I begin to run after 4 consecutive days of hard training. (10 miles, 9 miles, 15 miles, 7 miles (today). This is compounded with being on vacation, and eating not that great. And adding cycling and swimming into all this.
But after 20 minutes running/cycling, my legs become okay. Just not too fast.
Is this just because they are getting used to moving again? I don't know. But I think tonight I will sleep really soundly.
Check out the pictures from my open-water swim, and then the sunset which followed.